Right now I guess it's my 'testing' period. Time to see if I'm truly down to live how God wants, or if I'll fold under the pressure. It's been no cakewalk either. It seems like everywhere I look something negative is going on. I don't remember the last time I had so many dramatic things happening in my life.
Anyway, this is also turning into a period of growth for me. I'm praying more, fasting more, in the Word more, and taking strides to better myself. So, on one hand, this is pretty great, on the other - it's rough. I mean, really, really, really, really rough.
Through it all, though, I'm learning to trust God... not just saying that I trust God, but really putting it all on the altar, walking away, and trusting Him to handle things. It seems like whenever I touch them, they just go up in smoke anyway. So, why bother?
The key to trusting God (for me at least) is to keep an ear cocked for His voice. Listen to what He has to say, and then follow His instructions to the letter. And if nothing is heard: BE STILL! Wait on the Lord! He knows what He's doing.
This, by far, has been the hardest thing for me. I am very impatient when something needs to be fixed. If nothing seems to be happening, I try to fix it myself. I can't stand for things to stay broken when something can be done! So, truly leaving my problems up to God has been a struggle.
But I'm realizing that God leaves some things broken for reason. Maybe He wants me to see why it broke. Maybe He wants me to realize how much the issue had taken up my life. He might want me to recognize that only He is capable of fixing things to where they won't get broken again. On the other hand, He may want whatever it is to stay broken so that I let it go and allow Him to fill the void.
No matter what the reason for this time in my life, I am letting God make all the repairs. I know I was a factor in some of these broken items, and there are other areas where I don't know what happened or why... What I do know is that God causes everything to work out for my good (Romans 8:28). So, I will continue to let him handle things despite my itching to work them out on my own.
Verse of the Day: Be still, and know that I am God... Psalm 46:10a
Girl, are you reading my diary!!! It is so funny how you think you are alone, only to find out others are struggling with it too. I just want to tell you that I feel you are on the right path, cause I too try to fix things only for them to break again (or i fall into the same sinful habits). So now, i am learning to let go and know that he is God and doesn't need my help. This blog is a blessing, keep up the good work. I look forward to your future posts. Gina
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